“Never Tell the Same Lie Twice”

Elim Garak, a shifty character on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine whose true allegiance could never be determined, said that once in an episode. That’s the lesson he took away from “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. To him, the parable wasn’t about being honest and telling the truth so people always believed you, but, from his race’s view — the Cardassians — the moral of the children’s tale was that you should never tell the same lie twice so you never get caught.

I’m not going to lie. My mind has been bouncing between Should I? / Shouldn’t I? In publishing my last two blogs, “The Long Road Back” and “The Monster in My Head“. They went to some low places that, to be brutally honest, have been a strong undercurrent in my life since my depersonalization started around October 2014. Read Never Tell the Same Lie Twice

A Happier New Year, 2017 Style

When another New Year rolls around, quite a few of us make resolutions to make this year different from the last.  We’re going to lose weight, or stop drinking so much, or run three times a week.  How often we stick to these resolutions really depends on our outlook and our drive to make such a significant change in our lives.
Read A Happier New Year, 2017 Style

What Type of Tattoo Would I Get? My Mom Got One…

I speak with my Mom every week to every two weeks.  Living on opposite sides of the world is hard, but it’s a little bit easier with the invention of Skype and FaceTime, WhatsApp and Apple Messenger, Instagram and Facebook.  Communication is so much easier now than it was when I first moved to New Zealand 20 years ago.

Anyway.  My Mom has been talking about getting a tattoo.  We’ve had this discussion a few times over the last few years: what type of tattoo would she get; where she would get it on her body; how big it would be; and so on.  It was something on her bucket list of things she wanted to do.  And, of course, I love her, so anything she wants to do, I support 100%.

Read What Type of Tattoo Would I Get? My Mom Got One…

Learning to Enjoy Things Again

One of the side effects of the dissociative disorder known as depersonalisation, for me at least, has been the lack of finding enjoyment in many things I used to enjoy.  This has been particularly disturbing for me, as, for those of you who know me can attest, it usually doesn’t take much to amuse me.  That makes me sound rather simple, but, at one time, I would find enjoyment in something as simple as reading a book in my bedroom or listening to music while doodling on a piece of paper.

Yesterday, my counselor asked me point-blank about what I enjoy doing now.  We had been speaking about my falling out of love with Star Trek (something that had been happening for a while, I must admit) while feeling so upset and then overwhelmingly relieved and happy that I was still able to continue portraying Ken Kato in Henglaar, M.D., which, to be honest, was one of the few remaining things I used to like doing that I still enjoy doing.

Read Learning to Let My Guard Down

Depersonalisation and Me

Sorry for the radio silence, everyone.  Jet lag and I have a hate-hate relationship, and this time, she decided she’d really kick my ass.  It was my intention to blog yesterday for a posting later yesterday, but I went to bed the night before at around 11 PM and sat and stared at the ceiling, walls, clock, ceiling fan, etc until I finally fell asleep at around 5 AM, only to wake up at 8 AM, sore and uncomfortable.  Last night was definitely a better night for sleeping.

Speaking of last night, Noel and I went over to Darcie and Brian’s for dinner.  We had a great time and enjoyed spending time with the kids too.

During our conversation, my depersonalisation came up somehow, and I tried to explain it to Darcie but I was still pretty tired and out of it, so instead of being in danger of repeating myself a few times, I thought I’d put it down on paper.  Or screen.  You know what I mean.  (I’m a poet…)

Read “Depersonalisation and Me”