“Never Tell the Same Lie Twice”

Elim Garak, a shifty character on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine whose true allegiance could never be determined, said that once in an episode. That’s the lesson he took away from “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. To him, the parable wasn’t about being honest and telling the truth so people always believed you, but, from his race’s view — the Cardassians — the moral of the children’s tale was that you should never tell the same lie twice so you never get caught.

I’m not going to lie. My mind has been bouncing between Should I? / Shouldn’t I? In publishing my last two blogs, “The Long Road Back” and “The Monster in My Head“. They went to some low places that, to be brutally honest, have been a strong undercurrent in my life since my depersonalization started around October 2014. Read Never Tell the Same Lie Twice

The Long Road Back

If you’ve been following my journey through the dissociative disorder known as depersonalization, thank you. Writing about it, and knowing it is being read about, has helped me cope a great deal, and that means a lot to me. Maybe my words are helping you understand what I’m going through, or maybe you’re going through depersonalization too and my words are helping you feel less alone. I hope they are helping someone. Read The Long Road

Unwinding and Other Stuff

I hate feeling like this. Stuck somewhere between stressed out from work and totally unwound. I feel so utterly unable to just relax!!!

When I finally recompleted my degree here in New Zealand, I found I had a lot of trouble shifting down a few gears. I guess my body was so used to a few years of work and then doing homework that I really never had a chance for me and what I wanted to do.

Of course, this now swings the other way sometimes… so much that I want to do personally and then find when I get to doing them… I can’t be bothered!

Anyway, when I get to this point, I get a bit down. Maybe it is the change in the weather or all the stress ebbing away or some other cause, but I feel a bit blue!

On to other stuff… we had a fabulous time over at Jacqui and James’s on Wednesday night. Jamie, Noel, Dave O, and I went over from our place as Denise F from work was hairdressing James’s hair (what’s left of it… ha ha you bitch that’s what you get for honking the horn when I’ve got my head IN the mail box! BANG!) and then was doing Noel’s. We just had such a good time with laughing and carrying on.

Last night, back over at James and Jacqui’s for pizza night. Since Good Friday is a holiday in New Zealand, we decided to have pizza on Thursday. We had a good time with me teaching Charlotte how to play that hand game where you hold out your hands palms down while the other person has theirs underneath palms up and tries to slap you. Fun. Alas, I digress.

We had a good laugh because we have been having problems with a certain student at school (who has since left) and supposedly had her drink spiked in town and got raped as a result. (No we didn’t laugh at that.) Why I say supposedly is because she told us that; she told her parents she wasn’t at school because she didn’t like waxing; told someone else some other totally random excuse. In short… can we believe her? Anyway, we have been pushing very hard for a letter of withdrawal, which the government requires us to have. Long story short (too late) I called her father on Wednesday, and he said, yes, he had the letter there in his pocket. I said to him, “She did write it, right? You didn’t write it or sign it did you?” He said, “Oh no. No she signed it.” Jacqui gets it in — you guessed it, yet another different excuse on why she is withdrawing; she’s depressed (and no medical opinion to support this) — and it’s not even her signature! So that was what we were laughing at. How fucking dumb do people think we are?!?

Mysterious stuff… I have always had the feeling throughout the years that I would become a parent at 32 years old. My Mom and other people can back this up, because I have always said it. Not giving it much thought until now, as my 33rd birthday is approaching quickly, I realised we have Jamie now, and therefore, the prediction or feeling or whatever it is has come true. Scary! Sometimes it’s best to act on gut feeling I guess.

Speaking of 33rd birthday… just knock me into line if I get a Christ complex. Yep. I turn 33 on Easter Sunday. Jesus was 33 on Easter. What a coincidence!

As Noel would say… “Cross your feet. I only have one nail left.”